I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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