hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
