would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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