I cockslap morals
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
