I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
