My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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