i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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