So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
