Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
