he wants to bone in the snuggie
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
