There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
