True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
