and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
