He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
