I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I wish there were birth control emojis
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize