your thong is hanging out like whoa
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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