yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
