exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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