ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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