OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
