i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
