he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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