On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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