Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
