You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
