i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
