is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
