can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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