So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
