I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Randomize
