I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize