What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
