cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I can't put those talents on a resume
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
