oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize