he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
either way he was missing a nipple.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
