i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Randomize
