i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
