Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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