Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
