i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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