someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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