@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
