so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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