3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I did not marry a roomba.
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