every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
