Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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