I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize