I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
