i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
