The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
