WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
