Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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