we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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