who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
