Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
