her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
