So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
