Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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