Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
