i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize