she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
