Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
