I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
