Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
