So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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