He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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