true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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