why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
nutella sex= disaster
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
