I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My penis needs a shock collar
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
