if you like me you must not know who I am
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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