I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
They have beer where we have blood.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
