we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
