I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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