My hand turned me down
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
