I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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