I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
