you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
