I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
