Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize