how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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