Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
