If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
