Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
