I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
