He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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