I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
