I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
