I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize