i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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