dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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