I just pynch a tree in the face
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Congratulations! We have a period
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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