I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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