My liver just broke up with me...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
