i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
