Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he quoted the bible to break up with me
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
