it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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