Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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