I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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