help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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