you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
