Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
